Black and white

sighh

2010-03-03T13:26:00.001-08:00

its simply heart breaking realising that only she,only your best friend,could help you in times of difficulty.
I guess i'm hopeless , really yea. haha.

these few days , been like a rollercoaster ride.
its like whenever i find out something ,
and i dont wanna believe it ,
i realise another thing ,
which supports the first thing and screw me over.
Complicated much , i dón't know how to say it ,
its just running through my mind.

I'm so selfish ,
i realised.
i get so jealous over trival matters.
why.
i really don't wanna be a pain ,
but i cant help it ?
i try but i cant ?

its like ,
things have changed.
last time it was long conversations ,
but now its like on a lucky day i get not-so quck replies.
but on bad days , sigh , dont even wanna go there.
im not a stalker and stuff ,
although i might put my words in a very weird way ,
but i just feel that this is adding on to my paranoia..

but what could i expect right ?
i should already thank the world to be able to be in a relationship with someone as awesome as you.
Let alone to love me back.
sigh ,
fuck it , the whole world god dam knows im definately not your type ,
so i should be thankful for the relationship to exist right.

People like me , shouldn't complain so much.
should just be thankful.

fuck the webcam pics , fuck the msn , fuck off my mind and leave me alone.

)':

2010-02-28T00:08:00.000-08:00

'cause you mean the world to me

2010-02-10T12:30:00.001-08:00

Soulmate ;
the one you truly love ;
someone who means the world to you ;
you.
Happy valentines day baby (:

çause i know you are the only one that reads my blog (:

stressed

2010-02-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

school work , exams , and personal problems.
all these are killing me now.
okay not school work and exams.
at this point of time i'd rather fuck them up then to think about the problems im having now.
i dont kow what to do.

you think i dont wanna meet you everyday ?
there are like so many factors that are stopping me.
and its like .
omfg i really donno what to do.
i think im such a failure.
just fuck it okay.

let me go through this myself.
since no one will .
i will do it myself.
fuck my stressed up life.

i have a traditional mindset.
live with it.
if you cant , then i cant help much either.
im just like that.
accept or just forget.
suck it up or just live with it.
im sorry.
i wont be a great husband , boyfriend , in your eyes.
its not only what my parents are thinking ,
me too myself , i'm afraid.
i'm afraid of whatever their afraid of.
why ?
cause im just god damn traditional.

i dont know how much longer i can take this ,
everything is just piling up on me ,
i dont want to go through a breakdown ,
i just want all the problems to go away.
Please , someone , somewhere , on top ,
please , i need someone to talk to.
please , dont torture me like that ,
what have i done to deserve this ,
i know im in no right to request for anythng ,
but can i just have someone to talk to ,
somone to share my load with.

lol ..

2010-02-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

playing with me at the start ,
was a fool , believing whatever you said.
but i hope its true now.
gravity has nothing to do with people falling in love ,
at least not for me.
you're driving me to the edge of paranoia .
i really hope all that exists now , all you say ,
is true .
i hope that nothing will change.
i hope that the past will leave in our shadows , and not come back to haunt us.
i hope that you will be happy.
i hope that you give a shit about this relationship.
and i hope that you love me.

i will never leave you , not because you said you wouldn't , not because you said you love me , no because you are the sweetest person on earth, not because you are perfect , but because i simply love you.

(: happy happy

2010-01-31T09:43:00.000-08:00

Life's at its peak now.
Everything is so perfect , everyone seems perfect.
Baby is definitely perfect (:

Just got back from bb's place .
Can't believe time passes so fast ,
i turn around and there's you''re not there.

Bb , you have come to grow to be a part of my life ,
no matter what problems we are going true , i will face it with you ,
no matter what obstacles you entercounter , i will face it with you ,
i will hold you hand and walk this race.
The race to the finish line which would be everlasting love and happiness.
I love you babyy !!

outcomes.

2010-01-21T01:05:00.000-08:00

I can't forget , but i can somehow forget
But i cant take it , the incident at holland , your past talking to lots and tons of guys.
i really can't take it anymore.
i feel like killing myself .

i was right ,
how could a fairytale be so perfect .
then , there was a loophole.
i really can't forget about the holland incident.

You let him hold your hand , despite being high , its still not a reason.
if you really love someone , you will have the determination to overcome your tipsy-ness to stop him from doing it.
I'm not sad , just feel really disappointed.
I'm accepting your past , thats why you're still my girlfriend.
But the thing is , all the past , and the stuff that you did , just make me think and assume
that history would repeat itself.
i'm afraid.

i always remember about that incident ,
its haunting me everything you're not with me ,
everytime your phone rings.
fml.

Forgetting .

2010-01-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that negative thoughts keep potrudiny my mind. I don't know why.

I'm afraid , paranoid . I'm just afraid that it would happen again. Heart broken is soething that

qequires. I dont know whats happening ,. But i just don;t like you to talk to guys . Althought the

yare your childhood friends , but i still dont trust them, i sitll feel very paranoid. I cant help it .

I;m just a jealous little boy. I;m sorr y for insulting you bb , but i really thanks that no matter

what happens , you dont love me anything , ill still be here , being your backbone , being your

strangth when you are week.

Bb , you are sick , sore throat . Please go and drink water , or smething cooler. BUT no cocke pls.drink chrysamtemum tea, or eat the pi pa gao. seriously bb. veryt worried for you . i really love you alot . really.
I love you doreen oh <3

i dont wanna know.

2010-01-19T09:44:00.000-08:00

Bb is really really sick , and i'm very worried for her.
But no matter what the outcome is , i will still be there for her ,
no matter how much of an irritant i am , nagging at her , cannot do this , cannot do that ,
i will still make sure i don't stop , just because i want her to recover.
I dont wanna see my bb in pain.
It hurts me to see her like that .
Hopefully bb gets well tomorrow and everything will be alright.
Worried for bb , i hope she is by my side right now , so i can take care of her. ):

i know everything now , wether its true or not , my eyes don't decieve. Maybe they do , i don't know. But i sure hope they do.
.. and i'll never tell you , ill just keep it to myself
i dont wanna know if you're playing with me , or talking to other people ,
keep it on the low ..
cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creeping , please dont let it show.
i don't wanna know.

i'm lost and confused.
Please someone make me go to sleep , hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
A day with me seeing nothing , and with me knowing nothing.

'cause i dont know how to make a feeling stop.

2010-01-18T08:23:00.001-08:00

I dont know what situation i'm in ,
or what my negative over paranoid thoughts got me into .
Or maybe i'm just a failure , i don't like so many things ,
and yet i don't speak a word about it .
I guess i'm just afraid it would escalate to something worse.
I guess what you said was true , i just love you too much.
I try my best to let you do anything you want , even if its stuff i don't really like ,
or strongly against.
Like hanging out with your friends for instance ,
i just don't trust people.
It's really hard for me to entrust someone i love to someone i don't know.
And i know you guys are friends for so long and stuff ,
but i still don't trust them.
Despite all these , i still don't speak a word about it .
I actually didn't want to bring this up ,
but since i have a blog , and i have noone to talk to ,
i shall just rant here.
Even you went to his house , i didn't utter a word about it.
Okay so i'm a jealous fuck , so what , live with it.

I don't know if you talk to guys , or don't .
The truth is , i don't wanna know.
I really don't wanna know.
I wanna keep it this way , i wanna be kept in the dark ,
cause i'm afraid of the truth.

Am i just an excuse , or am i really someone.
I don't know , thats the question i ask myself everyday.

i just want to sleep , forget about the thoughts , cause its cruel , and painful.

What a wonderful world (:

2010-01-16T22:16:00.001-08:00

Went to school in the morning , surprisingly i didn't sleep (:
i was actually paying attention and doing the tutorials given.

After school , mum picked me up and we went to somerset 313.
Got bb a bracelet and a necklace from forever 21.
I saw the look on her face yesterday , she was so disappointed.
I couldn't bear looking at her like that , so i bought it .
But it was meant to be a surprise.
Until bb told me she bought the bracelet too , then i had no choice but to tell her . Grr !

Bb woke up so late .
Lazy pigg !!
haha.
After going to town , we went to newton hawker centre to have our lunch.

After lunch , we went back home.
I was feeling really tired so i decided to have a nap , get some beauty sleep.
I texted bb while i was sleeping , i think i'm the only person in the whole world who is able to
do that . (:
After my nap , went to meet bb at her house area.
Had supper with her mum and grandma , then went to play pool.

After pool , we went to slack at the hut.
BUT , there was a couple at the hut , doing weird things.
Bb , being such a busybody , kept looking at them ,
"eh what they doing ah . eh you turn around and see leh"
ahahahahaha (:
Its so surreal to have bb by my side at that point of time ,
the cold weather seemed warm ,
the wind felt heartwarming ,
everything seemed perfect.
The thought of bb going malaysia for a week just sinks my heart.
I don't know how i'm going to survive without her by my side , let alone overseas.

Am i being too clingy ?
I don't know.
But i sure hope i'm not , i would want you to find me irritating , or an irritant .

At about 1230 bb wanted to go home.
So we walked to her house together , just when we came accross another hut.
"why that hut look like .. so hut ah ?"
WTH RIGHT , i know.
hahahah. bb is very cuteeee ! (:

After sending her home , i went to meet gabriel tommy and desmond.
We slacked at east coast park till 4am then went back home.

i miss bb so much..

Happy birthday mum !

2010-01-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

Today was quite an eventful day.
Did alot of things , went to many places.

MORNING.

Went to school in the morning , listened to the boring lecturer yapping away , then followed my mum to the temple to pray.
Its so good that my mum wanted me to follow her ,
at the same time skip my afternoon class (:
Oh yes yes ! Its mummy's birthday today ! 15th January ,
she will be turning ** this today !
I'm sorry people , can't tell , she said it is a secret =xx !

AFTERNOON

Met up with baby at vivo ,
bb , sorry for being late again !! ):
Arrived at vivo at 345pm ,
walked around , baby got mummy a present from faceshop.
So sweet of her (: .. awww .
Mummy couldn't stop but say , "wa doreen她很懂事hor."
praising and praising away , till my ear drums are flooded by her repetitive comments.
After which we went to basement floor to get some snacks before our dinner.

EVENING

Slacked at the sky garden at someset 313.
Baby wanted to get a cute little bracelet from forever21 ,
but the queue and the material of the bracelet became a opposing factor ):
aw poor bb , could see that you really liked it alot (:

NIGHT

Walked around orchard road ,
walked till 10 , we decided to head home.
Me , being such a sweetie pie ,
as usual accompanied bb home (:
The bus ride was a long one ,
but with bb by my side ,
no matter how long the journey is ,
its with someone i truly love ,
and truly enjoy my time spent with.
On the other hand ,
i was getting bullied.
Poor me ! (:
Reached bb's house and was about to head home.
Just when i was about to head home ,
bb's mum called her , and next minute ,
we were having supper together (((:
Had fun today , really enjoyed my time with bb (:

If i could freeze every moment spent with you , i would be living in paradise.

Boredom.

2010-01-13T23:25:00.001-08:00

This is what happens when you're sitting infront of your computer with internet access , watched most everything on clicknetwork.tv , watched most of the videos on youtube , especially when you have no interest for facebook at all.
You create a blog.

But well on the brighter side , i can rant here.
I won't offend anybody , no hard feelings , and the best part is , i can rant about the person without saying it right in the person's face !

Now that i got that off my mind , let me talk about today.
Its only 3:28pm now , i'm stoning at my comp , blogging.
Wow , i can actually use the word blogging now , cause , i have a blog and i'm publishing a post , hence , "blogging".

Woke up at around 8:48am for school.
(Yes , fuck my life.)
Okay i'm not embarrased to say this , i didn't bathe.
Its so early in the morning , so cold , so lethargic.
If you people bathe in the morning , its NOT NORMAL.
Be like me , don't bathe in the morning.

So my mum fetched me to school ,
dropped me off and went to redhill.
She went to visit my aunt who opened a shop there.

Sitting in the lecture hall , dozing off as usual , waiting for bb to text me.
But she was still soundly asleep.
PIG !!!!!!!
The lecturer was boring as hell , her voice was so mono , so much for being a Business Communication lecturer.
I swear , she sounds like a broken tape recorder , nagging and repeating the same stuff over and over again.

The only time that i woke up from my short nap was when everybody in class burst into laughter , or just the small giggles.
NO , mrs doreen chua , before you get happy ,
its NOT because you make funny jokes ,
its because ,
YOU ARE A JOKE.
yupp , the truth hurts , always.

After school.

I decided to skip lesson.
I went off at 1130 , and walked around the whole campus.
Okay weird me , but who cares.
Its lucky i didn't create a blog IN SCHOOL.
You see , the reason i created a blog at home , is because i wanted to make one in school ,
cause i was bored as hell.
So the thought of creating a blog kept lingering in my mind ,
so when i reached home i started blogging !
(:

Okay back to the post .
Walked around aimlessly , till it was 1230.
Mum came to fetch me and home sweet home (:
Going out later to wisma to meet attlee.
He wants to repair his phone , so me being the sweetest person on earth will follow him.

, i miss bb ):
iloveyou. <3